Over the summer last year, I was added to a group on Facebook where disappointed brides were airing all the yuck on the vendors who did them dirty. When the surprise wore off (and I’d thoroughly checked to make sure my name and my vendor friend’s names weren’t in any of the posts) I could commiserate with many of the posts in the group. I can honestly say there were disappointments with vendors at my own wedding, so I completely understand.

Let’s face reality for a minute though. No matter how careful we are or how much we plan, sometimes a vendor will disappoint us. That is the scariest thing when you’re planning a wedding. You’ve spent hours and hours (and a truckload of money) planning the perfect day, so what do you do when someone disappoints you? Further more, is there anyway to protect yourself from potential disappointments? 

Protecting your wedding from disappointment

Let’s start with the potential steps to protect yourself from ending up disappointed by a vendor. The first thing you can do is to interview the vendor either face to face or via video chat. If they aren’t willing to meet with you or refuse to show their face during a video chat, those are both red flags. You want to have a connection with your vendor before hiring them! A quick 15-30 minute meeting should give you more than enough time to form a bond with your potential vendors. 

Most important: read your contracts! I know they seem like a whole bunch of legal Mumbo jumbo (anyone know what video game that character is from? I can’t remember), but they are there to protect you as well as your vendor. Ask questions! What happens if you need to postpone or cancel? What fees could potentially arise during travel or the wedding day? What happens if your vendor can’t make it due to a family emergency or other issue? These questions will show you how the vendor runs their business. If they cannot point out these answers in their contract, they may not be the vendor for you. 

Lastly, check their reviews, website and social media. Are the images consistent? Do they have solid reviews from past couples? Are they out harassing other vendors? All of these things will tell you how they do business. One quick photographer tip: if you notice that the work on their site isn’t consistent, a google reverse image search will tell you if there are any stolen images in their photography portfolio. Unfortunately this happens more often than anyone would like to admit. 

What to do with disappointment

No matter how hard we try, it’s inevitable that someone disappoints us. Sometimes the disappointments are small and won’t make a difference in your big day. Other times, they’ll be grievances that bother you for a long time. How you handle them depends on the situation. 

Small disappointments may just call for being “let go”. For instance: your grooms tie shows up in periwinkle, instead of lavender. Will it be noticeable in photos? Maybe, but no one is going to care about the color of the grooms tie. Or the caterer can’t find wild caught salmon and substitutes with sustainably farmed salmon instead. Will anyone other than you and the caterer know? Probably not, and you did your best to be eco friendly. Both of these situations are best if you just let them go and remember all the good things that happened on your wedding day. 

Bigger grievances can be more tough to handle. In these cases, having a solid understanding of your contracts and keeping open communication with the vendor can offer you the chance to find the best possible outcome for everyone. Since I know photography, let’s say you get your wedding gallery and there isn’t a photo of your newly blended family (aka: you, your spouse and your shared kids) anywhere in the gallery. 

First things first: check your contract. Is there a section that talks about the photographer not being responsible for missed shots due to time constraints or cooperation? This is pretty standard, but there is usually also a section that talks about whether or not refunds will be given for these missed shots. If there’s no refunds, there may be another option for compensation. 

Once you’ve determined what you’re entitled to in regards to your contract, it’s time to contact the vendor. I never recommend going in on the attack. Instead, use the compliment/complaint/compliment sandwich to feel them out. Example: “Hey Markie! Thank you so much for the wedding gallery! You were so quick to get it to us; it’s only been 4 weeks! I was looking and couldn’t find a photo of us and our two kids in the gallery. Is it possible I missed it? Again, the gallery is beautiful and I’m so glad we booked you! Hugs!” 

Chances are you’ll get an email back with either a link to the missed photo, or an apology and the vendor quoting the contract. If it’s the second option, ask about potential opportunities to make the situation right. If it’s a missing photo, maybe they can do a mini shoot of your family. If it’s a moment you’ll never get back (example: grandpa passed away shortly after the wedding and you’re missing a photo of just you and him) ask if there’s a way to send another photo out to be photoshopped. 

Leave a review 

In the event there isn’t a way to smooth over your grievances, it is ok to leave a negative review. When you leave a negative review, be clear, state the facts and leave the emotion out of it. I prefer to write it out in google docs or another program and let it sit for 24 hours. Then reread, edit and post after the anger has passed. 

Note: All reviews don’t have to be negative though! If you love your vendors, leave those glowing positive reviews too! I know it can seem unnecessary when vendors are super popular, but we always read them and love being able to show them to clients who are hesitant to book.

I recommend using reviews as a last option before moving to legal matters, especially if the contract isn’t worded in your favor. Sometimes though, small claims court is your only option, though I don’t recommend it unless there’s no other potential resolution.

In the end, vendors as a whole always hope that you’ve had your dream wedding day. Usually we’re not out to screw you over intentionally (there are scams unfortunately!) and we want you to end your wedding experience on a good note.