Elopement = FOMO? Here’s what you might miss by eloping
For those who don’t know (Sorry fam if this is how you find out), Jake and I chose to legally elope IN SECRET a year before our wedding. Cliff notes: We’d gotten engaged and a week later received a letter from my health insurance. My and Gracie’s premiums were DOUBLING, from $450 to $900 a month. Since we were engaged anyway, Jake suggested “just signing the paperwork” so we could get on his health insurance. Voila! We married in a pizza parlor (just down the street from our final ceremony) and the rest is history.
Not only did we get married in secret, we also kept it a secret for a full year from most of our family and friends. That was the hardest part! Especially when my dad had a heart attack in May 2018, and other family issues arose. We did the best we could though, because FOMO for those big weddings is a real thing! Even someone like me, who literally attends weddings as her career, there were things we thought we wanted.
What you’ll miss out on when you elope
Wedding Planning Stress
Even the most laid back wedding days have their own fair share of stress. Have you ever tried to coordinate 15 people who all have their own ideas of how things work? It’s akin to herding cats. The average wedding has 8-10 vendors, plus the wedding party and family members who are all involved in some part of the main day. Coordinating all of this is a huge job, which is why I highly recommend at least hiring a day of coordinator. Grand weddings are beautiful, but the stress is what leads to many couples choosing to elope.
Doing things because it’s expected
This goes hand in hand with the wedding planning stress. Especially when other parties (hello moms + dads) are paying for portions of your wedding. Each player in your big day will have their own expectations of what will and won’t happen. Chances are, you won’t be able to meet them all, even if you’re circus performer flexible.
Going into Debt
I’m going to step up on my Dave Ramsey Soapbox here and tell you: NO ONE wants you to go into debt for your wedding. Starting a marriage with debts from school or personal spending is hard enough! (Seriously, if you can, pay those off before you get legally married. Don’t ask me how I know it can create a major point of tension if you don’t…) You definitely don’t want to be putting your dream wedding on a credit card. That will haunt you for years to come. Ok, soapbox away now.
Family Drama (Heyyyyy Drunk Uncle…)
We all have it. I have yet to meet someone who didn’t have some crazy skeleton in their family closet. Maybe it’s your step mom who’s going to drink too much and tell your biological mom how ugly the neon orange shirt she wore in 1960 was. Or it’s a family member who hates your spouse and refuses to attend the wedding, but shows up spouting how ya’ll will divorce in the first two years. Either way, choosing to elope means skipping all the insanity… at least until everyone finds out.
Forcing yourself to be A+ Organized when you prefer to wing it
Keeping track of all those vendors and moving parts requires a skill that not everyone possesses. Unless you’re the type who loves a good spreadsheet, trello board or planner system, it may not be worth it to force yourself into the big wedding. However, if you REALLY want that big wedding, the stress will be worth it.
What you gain when you Elope
A truly cherished memory (where no one makes you cry over stupid crap)
This may seem like a crazy statement, but I ended up having meltdowns at BOTH my big weddings. When I married my first husband, it was because my former MIL tried to boot my MOH from the wedding for wearing the wrong color bra. When I married Jake (technically the second time), it was because the DJ had all these grand ideas for a specific feature at our wedding and she called me like 30 times over the whole thing. I ended up yelling “I don’t f-ing care” and handing off my phone to our day of coordinator so I wouldn’t be bothered. These things just don’t happen when you elope.
Elope for extra alone time with your new spouse
Wedding days move fast and a lot of time you’re not with your new spouse during it. You get ready separately, get photographed separately, and come together for the ceremony. It’s typically assumed that you’ll be together the rest of the night, but there are instances where you’re pulled in opposite directions. When you elope, it’s the opposite though. Some couples choose to get ready together rather than separately, therefore spending the entire day together. Many make special plans for the two of them after their wedding day portraits are done, like dinner or ordering room service, giving them alone time they’d forgo with a big wedding.
The ability to do only what you want
This is a big one. I had a couple in 2019 who chose to elope after a family member was upset over the color of the cocktail napkins not being an exact match to the guys’ bow ties. When you elope, you don’t have to match anything. In fact, you don’t even have to wear a white wedding dress. I got married dressed as the Corpse Bride; Kiera got married in a black wedding dress and these two got married in their jeans! Your elopement can be as casual or as formal as you wish. There’s nothing saying you HAVE to do anything; instead you get to do what you want!
Unlimited Epic Portrait Time
This is probably my favorite thing as a photographer, and the one thing we missed out on even eloping because of the time of day we eloped. (Halloween Night, after trick or treating with our kids). But when you elope, you can make your portraits into a grand adventure. Consider eloping on the beach, then heading to a nearby waterfall for variety in your wedding day. Pack a picnic and hike up a mountain for everything. The opportunities are endless and these are the things I love to plan! Check out Jazmin and Dominic’s elopement which included their King Street Station ceremony, Smith Tower portraits and Pioneer Square portraits.
Elopements are easier to cash flow
We’re back at my soapbox again. When you choose to elope it’s simply easier to cash flow everything. There’s no need to make extravagant plans. The most basic elopements only need: the two of you, an officiant, and (in the state of WA) a couple witnesses. While you’ll notice that list doesn’t include a photographer, I guarantee you’ll want one because well, you’re already here. Cash flowing these items means you get to enter your marriage without having to pay it off over the next 2, 5, or 20 years. Once again, soapbox away.
Both traditional weddings and elopements can be amazing, and I’ve seen my fair share! For the laid back couple who doesn’t want a lot of fuss, stress or debt at the end, take it from me: You want to elope. Ask me how we can make your stress free elopement dreams come true.
